across with a witches broomstick...

wow...

what a crazy trip...

life..

last night... :]. . . . .


it was like falling in love with universe,
and an angel


*siiiiiiiggh* so crazy

feel it running from my tongue to my toes


and delirium, she's so amazing

a wish for reality; maybe someday it'll come true, till then she'll remain just a hue
like a feather against my skin, my spine; making me wish someday she'll be mine
she comes laying her grace, leaving me with a love; thinking of her smile turns me into a dove
that amazing angel; always so near, if you'd be mine I'd never shed a tear


ah...

I'm so tired now... hope I can get up for work in the morning

brick.

out from a cloud of dust, my ankles hurt so much
I'm stuck behind a dream, and I can not wake up
the sun has closed its eye and I'm left alone
left with this addiction, the end, and the unknown

love is such a pretty word
but to me it seems so absurd
a dull blade across your throat
just enough to make you choke

yet I find it does exist
hard to tell though when it fits
bringing you up, crushing you down
all the time my head spins around

if hero's are meant to be
why can't one be me
decide what there is to see
and a God to give me the key

. . .

ego

lost in the desert I call my mind, where the sand is so fine and there is no line...

I need a connection to fill my perception


be it love, truth, or affection

know not do I, of any thing and yet I cry

all alone inside my mind, the doors are locked tight... am I in your sight?

I need more than tape and glue, to get through

all that i've won i've lost...

note to self

Lose yourself in the far off worlds that are right under your feet
Switch below with above all the way up into infinity
We should be thankful who we are
Whether we know ourselves or not
Walking alongside myself
Neither of us listens very well
Im dreading a time that is not near
As a man on cross I have no fear I cant believe these words Im saying


what should I do? Why does it matter? why do these emotions keep clinging to me like saran wrap that I can't cut off...

do you remember...

I've got nowhere to go and nothing to do
but sing sweet love songs about you
all those things we used to do
all that I'm clinging on to

in the twilight of my life
the separation becomes so apparent
between who I am and what I used to be
but I feel so blind, lost track of what I could see

I can hear my clock ticking but not a minute goes by
I'm standing still and it feels like infinity
floating down in these depths I wish I could cry
no tear but the blood from my slip to fill your cup of tea

fill my cup and push me till I tip
I'll shatter my own glass vase
I hate myself, hate what I've become
I hate everything, everything I've done

nearing the edge of my existence
resistance is an impossible debate
everything is so cluttered
the easiest path has won


when this will be the last note written and read, I'll be long gone, to the closest end

fix my problems with a sunny day
so many times I've been led astray

bruised...

if i could only feel as good as I did yesterday
everything would be okay
if this bottle was just only half full
you would see a smile on my face

am I crazy?


naw, but this world is

why can't i see what's in front of me...

I'm not really sure what to make of this... hah..

I'm realizing there is a difference between knowing a feeling, and feeling a feeling...

I'm getting myself in trouble but not caring about anything it seems, more trouble than its worth?

I'm the bad guy though, and I'm having trouble realizing what I did. This is what I got so far:


I mistreat her...? I'd like to narrow this one down a bit more, I spose thats what I'm a bad guy for though, and these all fall under it

I don't respect her
I talk down to her
I hit her (it was a big accident but I'll still add it to the list)

So what should I/we do about it? Well talking I guess? Seems like such a little thing to do

maybe I always have to be right? She says I do. I'm having trouble understanding

I do feel like I'm going about this the wrong way

but what is right and wrong?

push me somewhere I don't want to be...

tick tock tick tock tick tock
my mind running another block
these circles are making no sense to me

the weekend comes around
but I can barely make a sound
just poor me another shot

take it back or drink it slow
whichever way will make me go
another sip to make me hit the ground

maybe I'll kill myself with this, or live
to find another hobby to teach me to forgive
but only the needle can bring me from this low

my journey looks as though it soon may end
so many hopes lost, so many tares its hard to mend
so just give me another fix, another chance to live



here's a little bit of an older one I've never posted

don't you know
my heart will turn
feel it running
ruining my soul

pushing this divorce
farther and farther from marriage
moving towards the edge
pushing our son over the ledge

don't take it too bad
its just not working out
your mother and I
we feel its for the best

didn't you realize
love can never last
you and your girlfriend
shouldn't move too fast

she'll take advantage
he'll try to make a move
she'll make a strike
tell him to move

sinking into his bottle
hands gripping the chair
she'll tell him good morning
he'll make his move

I love you but you think I'm someone else
you love me, but you need to fix yourself
confusion lies in front of me
aggression in front of you
I should have known father knows best
the love I thought we had doesn't look to last

I cry and cry, wishing you to stay
you say I deserve it, I know your right
I hurt myself, I try to prove it
nothing I do gives light to you, nothing am I to you

I become nocturnal, away from your light
waiting for the sun, my eyes grow black
blind am I to anything else, my mind concludes to you
nocturnal have I become, now all I do is wait for you

I should have known, father knows best
you are always changing, away from me you grow
I lay here in the dirt, all I want to do
all I ever wanted, was forever to be with you

two hits...

and I trip, flip over myself, let loose I lost the time, time warp time to rewind


I went to a psytrance music festival in Iowa this weekend with Eryn and Josh. Had an amazing time. Me and Eryn took two hits of some good acid and had quite the ride

So many interesting people there, such a crazy time

10 hour car ride down

With a wristband you get unlimited hookah the whole night, that was pretty cool.


There was a strange man who called me and eryn out as amazing people...
There was a tribal bon fire and fire dancers and we ran out and ran around the fire
We played shadow puppets :]
I met a lot of really great people, and a few low lifes
found a marijuana plant 10 feet behind our tent
used a volcano vaporizer for the first time
two quarters
made crazy faces

:]

set her free

where is my mind
upside down, lost in time
a smile is really a frown
how can I know when my hearts out of town
lost in a moment
this poison is potent

I knew it hurt so I let her go free
then she screamed so I climbed up this tree
scared of heights, my hands are shaking
lost in the branches, I hope I don't fall



A decision I'm already regretting, but I don't see any way for me to take it back... god fucking dammit why can I never see strait, why can't I figure out the right thing to do...

close my eyes really really tight and I'll make you all go away...


what is going on

how else to say

I miss you.

and I'll wonder what you do
and I'll drink myself through
till I open up that door again
wonder why I put it to an end

because I miss the way you smile
and it hasn't even been a while
oh fuck, what did I do

mind, deserted

they'll look at me
and I'm sure they'll say
"hey look at him
I'll never live that way"

*sigh*

now that I'm gone...

the face in the mirror is not me
anymore

i am torn...

I am one
I am one
I am one
I am one
and I will always be the same
and I will always be different
I will never be the same
I will never be sane

i ain't no prophet

tired...


*sigh*


I'm loosing track, loosing focus
no more time, take away the facade
feel the chill in my bones
feel I wont make it back home
keep on walking
don't let that fear take hold
keep on walking, face the cold

my memory is fading now I feel the present taking hold
what future may be in store, to what focus do I soar?
or am I falling fast, faster than the rockets
flying out so high to fall down in another sky

for you to decide, for a whim against the will
my fingers were slipping, but I don't want to kill
your hopes and dreams, but mostly your feelings
I want these words, but I can't stop kneeling

I'm so lost and confused, I can't find the time to unwind and think. Or maybe I just can't think of how to stop. So much already set in motion, I don't know how to change it or even begin. I'm just hopping as it nears we find a way, maybe something will change, maybe me. But I already have, and many times before.. I don't know who I am or how to find out... what I want or what I need. What I feel to who I care about, do I care more about you than myself? What happens when it turns... What do I need to do?

Redemption, is that want I want? I want to be myself... do relationships hinder that? Is marriage just another way of destroying individuality, or something to improve it... keep it from being lonely... What does it mean when sex feels more like work than love? when I'm losing enjoyment in the simple pleasures... When I'm loosing enjoyment in the every day... but I don't know what to do."I need a fix cause I'm going down.." what's my fix? Where do I go? Who am I? who am i.... when have I ever had an answer to that...

who am I living for?
the answer is there
sleeping the still night
but is it right?

I can't get all of my emotions out, even to where I can see them. This confused mess I call myself, but lost inside is someone else, yet to be uncovered, buried deep within the forest. Darkened by the absence, or is it just the night that hides you, oh myself, where are you? who are you? although we've never met, I miss you more than you could know, the pain without you here in my mind... or do you.. maybe you've been here this whole time